Faking Country

You know me -- I don't listen to today's country. I am easily irritated by cacophonous sounds, like sirens and repetitive construction noises....and US senators preening for television cameras. So, I admit I'm not exactly "hip" to the latest sounds. But I was browsing The Federalist the other day (not actually for music news) and ran across this article regarding a new song by someone named Walker Hayes. The hook is, apparently, that the lyrics reference titles of nineties country songs.

The song was written by Shane McAnally and "LYRX", a suspicious name -- a global conglomerate like "EXXON"; a corporation that features thirty-something brunettes in sensible pantsuits in its commercials, sagely reassuring us that their cabal is environmentally-friendly, while in fact they are poisoning us.

The song is clever! And lazy! "I can't seem to write a good song, so I'll just string some titles together and voila!"

The recording itself is as far away from country music as The Captain and Tennille.

I'm okay with people saying country music is dead, because it is; but don't disingenuously co-opt the name. It's fine -- we get it -- you want country to be a lukewarm glass of 2% milk. But why not call it something else? It denigrates the name "country" when your gas-passing is lumped together with actual music. 

My honest review of this song? It's horrible. Don't try to make excuses. It reeks. 

If one was to listen to any of the songs referenced in the lyrics, they'd slink away in shame.

Okay, since you asked for it:

Meanwhile, I'll get my new music from TV commercials.

At least it's genuine.

A Hit Song I Really Dislike, And Here's Why......

I do not listen to country radio.

It's not because I'm a music snob. It's not because I'm an old fogey (old, maybe; fogey - no).

It's because every time I chance to hit the country dial on my car radio, I always get so annoyed.

Who listens to this stuff?

The only time I turn the radio on is when I'm driving somewhere to do errands. I generally will try the oldies station first, then the classic rock station, and, as a last resort, I'll punch the "TODAY'S HOT COUNTRY!" button.

Well, I did that today, and lo and behold, I heard that stupid song again!

It's the Kenny Chesney song - you know, "Shift Work". I think it's the only song they play on the country station, because it's the only one I ever hear. I think they just loop it over and over.

Why do I hate this song?

The melody is okay; it's got a nice (albeit over-used) calypso beat. It even has George Strait singing on it (although you really have to strain to make that out. They must have really mixed his vocals low.)

No, all that stuff is okay.

What really annoys me is that it is so condescending.

Here's Kenny, singing about the poor shlubs who have to do shift work, and meanwhile, he's sitting on a tropical beach, drinking mai tai's, or something.

Oh, and he explains it away like this:

Well I worked shift work
For ten years man, I hated that work
Then I made a break with the money I saved
It took me to the beach to have a beer by the edge of the sea

Um, yea. First of all, if you're doing shift work, you ain't got no money to save. Hello? Real world is knocking on the door! Next time your butler brings the groceries home, ask him how much they cost, Kenny. Not that it would matter to you, but just for reference. Have your accountant show you your American Express bill, and check out how much it cost to fill your Hummer, or whatever gas-guzzler you drive. Then come back and write a song about real working-class people.

Now, Kenny, I know you're rich, but I'm willing to bet that someone like Merle Haggard has even more money than you. And yet, when he wrote about the working man, here's what he said:

I keep my nose on the grindstone
Work hard every day
Might get a little tired on the weekend
After I draw my pay
But I go back workin'
Gotta buy my kids a brand new pair of shoes

That's a little more realistic, don't you think? I guess Merle didn't forget what it was like to be one of the little working people.


And now to the video. We're now going from condescending to insulting. First of all, I work for a living. Like 99.9% of the people do. And yes, I'm female. So, what image does Kenny choose to represent the working woman? Some bimbo in a red midriff-baring top, and yes, she's working at a service station, cleaning windshields. Yes. Very realistic.

I thought that the whole focus of modern country music was toward the female fan. So, who's this video for? Not for women, I can assure you.

Or, maybe Kenny is directing this only to the male fans, because, you know, only men actually work for a living.





I know that Kenny Chesney has made a huge living with his little, tiny, reedy voice, and his little calypso numbers, so who am I to question?

But next time you're sitting on that private island, Kenny, with your little umbrella drink, take a moment to think about who paid your way, so you could buy that island.

And try not to insult the record buyers.

But I guess you could just save up your money, in case your 15 minutes are suddenly over.

Finally Had A Chance To Listen To Some Current Country Music

I was bored today, and there was nothing good on TV. I'd already checked out the On Demand movies, and the choices were slim. I watched American Graffiti last weekend, and I made the mistake of watching Bewitched last weekend also. That was the most boring movie I've ever seen. I fell asleep during part of it. Don't ever watch it or rent it, or God forbid, buy it. So today, all I was left with was Night Of The Living Dead, and I really wasn't in the mood.

So, I went back to my computer, but I turned on GAC in the background. The first song I heard was something that Rascal Flatts was YELLING. Something about wanting a girl to take him somewhere, but geez, with all that yelling, I would have just pushed him out of the car.

Then there was some nondescript noise that I didn't really pay attention to.

And then there was a guy singing to his wife, I guess, about (basically) it's okay to stop taking care of everyone else and take care of herself once in awhile....or some sappy sentiment like that. I was thinking, gee, that sounds like Clay Walker. I used to like Clay Walker. He was big in the '90's, but kind of dropped out of sight for a few years. So, I turned around and looked at the screen, and sure enough, it was Clay Walker. He should be ashamed of himself. He used to sing some good songs. But I guess, if he's trying to rebuild his career, he has to do the kind of songs that are popular nowadays......sad and lame as they are.

Then they interjected an older song by Faith Hill, "Mississippi Girl". You know, the one where she was trying to convince everyone that, even though she went to Hollywood and made a movie, and even though she sings songs that even Celine Dion wouldn't stoop to, that, c'mon, she's still country.

As if fans who listen to country radio even care. Those people are used to country-pap (I mean "pop") songs, so they don't care.

Then they played something by, I think, Blake Shelton, that wasn't half bad. It was a clever, funny song. The hook is, "the more I drink, the more I drink". Hold on....gotta look up who wrote that song.....well, can't find any info. The sites I found intimate that Blake himself wrote the song, but I can't be sure.

But anyway, after that, there was a Kenny Chesney song about "shift work", although that's not what it sounded like he said, but maybe that was intentional. I wasn't paying real close attention, but it seemed to me that he was showing empathy for people who do "shi(f)t" work, but then they showed him on the beach, drinking those concoctions that have little umbrellas, so I don't know if he was empathizing or making fun of people who have to work for a living.

Then I FINALLY heard the most COUNTRY song of my little experiment. Ironic, really.

Here it is. Judge for yourself:





And just for fun, here's that Blake Shelton song: