Wednesday, September 16, 2009

The Co-Worker's Bill of Rights

  • I have the right to expect you to leave a message, if you call. I assume you wanted something, or you wouldn't have called. Sometimes I'm in the middle of something. I drop whatever I'm doing for only two people - three, if you count God, but I'm not expecting Him to call.

  • If you DO leave me a message, I expect you to say more than just, "call me". Give me a clue what you want. I don't like surprises.

  • I have the right to not have to entertain you, because you are BORED. I would be more than happy to share some of my work with you. Or better yet, you could do some of your own!

  • I have the right to expect your emails to make sense. I don't have the time or money to hire an interpreter. If I have to guess what you're saying, I may just delete you.

  • If I walk into the copy room, and you are talking and laughing with yourself, I have the right to walk out. I'm too old and irritable to be humoring weirdos.

  • I have the right to expect you to get to the point. Telling me the same thing five times doesn't make your point any clearer. I'm not a dunce. If I have questions, I will ask. While you were endlessly repeating yourself, I had to stop doing the other three things that I was juggling at the time.

  • If you insist on carrying on personal phone calls all day long, I have the right to expect you to PIPE DOWN. Your conversations are not interesting to me.

  • If you are sick, I have the right to expect you to stay home. Please do not come to work, cough on me, and then brag about how much personal time you have left, because you never call in sick.

  • I have the right to not have to deal with your singing off-key to the song playing through your headphones.

  • I have the right to not have my lunch stolen out of the refrigerator. Are you a kleptomaniac or just a cheapskate?

  • I have the right to not have to listen to your utterances - swearing at your computer, shushing people, whistling, slamming things, sighing loudly. Try to remain under control. While it may seem like home, it's actually the office.

  • I have the right to expect you to learn how to spell, use punctuation, and capitalization. An email or work document is not a text message. If you can't accomplish this, U R A MORON.

Wow - only twelve? I could come up with so many more! I do admit, however, that I feel better now.

Feel free to add your own list of rights.

No comments: