Saturday, August 25, 2012

My Party Platform

With the party conventions set to occur in the next few weeks, I wanted to begin laying out my party platform. 

I think I have several items to include, although time and fatigue may prove me wrong.  We'll see.

First on my list, however, is NON-NOSY ATM MACHINES.

You know how, sometimes you're just in a hurry to grab some cash?  Say, you're heading to a movie, for instance.

Getting money from an ATM should be a two-step process, really.  Enter your code, hit the button for the correct amount, and off you go!

But oh no.

"English or Spanish?"  

Well, I'm an American, so I'll take a wild stab at English.

"Enter your secret code and click this button."  

Just to be contrary, I never hit that button.  I go down to the keypad and hit "enter".  I just want to see if the machine gets mad at me.  (It never seems to mind).

"Checking or savings?"  

Okay, checking.  I have little money in either, so it doesn't make a hill of beans worth of difference, really.

"Do you want a receipt for this transaction?"

Good God, no!  I don't have time to stand here while you apparently have to consult your translation book in there or something, because it seems to take you forever to print, "$20.00" on a slip of paper.

"This machine will charge you a fee for this transaction.  Do you want to continue?"

Yes, yes, yes!  I knew that going in!  What, do you think I now, suddenly, no longer need the cash?  Moron.

"Would you like to check your balance?"

Um, why now, exactly?  You know, I can go onto my bank's website any time, and I can sit down and relax while doing it, without throngs of people gawking behind me.  Plus, online, it's instantaneous!  Do I have to remind you how freakin' slow you are?  Do you have to warm up first or something?  You are plugged in, right?

So, the most vital plank in my platform is making ATM's less like my mom, and more like machines, albeit ones that are actually competent.

To be continued?

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