Tuesday, December 31, 2019

Worst Trends Of The Decade

My list of the worst trends of the decade is not universal; it's comprised of things that annoy me. My world mostly consists of work and the net and, sure, TV. Thus, my most annoying trends are things that affect me personally. (Also, it's a chance to bitch once more before the decade ends, so hey!)

So I'm going to start with the most annoying verbal tic of the past ten years. So just bear with me as I describe what I'm talking about. So the most annoying human utterance is starting every sentence with the word "so". It happens at work; it is ubiquitous in television interviews.

"Dan, what is the most pressing issue facing our young people today?"
"So, when I talk to students..."

"Let me now introduce our CFO to tell you about our financial performance this year."
"So, we've had a challenging year..."


Are you saying you don't care?

Don't get me wrong; I do it myself. It's impossible not to; not when every human being within earshot is saying it constantly. "So" is not exactly slang, but it has the same effect. I never once in my life uttered "groovy" other than ironically, but I've latched onto stupid fad jargon, just like everyone else. If everyone around me was constantly jabbering "squeegee", yep, it would become part of my everyday vocabulary.

"Let me now introduce our CFO to tell you about our financial performance this year."
"Squeegee, it was a fantastic year!"

(because "squeegee" just sounds like a happy word.)

Instructions That Are Indecipherable

I do a lot of Amazon shopping and I'm not ignorant of the fact that a lot of Amazon's products are manufactured in China. Mostly it doesn't matter. I don't need to assemble a purse; it's basically fully-formed when I open the box. I also know how shoes work. The same cannot be said for anything that requires a bit of construction. I recently purchased a display cube to hold my dad's watch and AA book. Even the pictures in the booklet didn't help. I still haven't determined if pieces were missing, if I'm a hapless imbecile, or if the manufacturer had employed one of those Chinese-English dictionaries that never actually translate words accurately. I almost threw the random pieces in the garbage, but I set it aside to possibly give it one more try, after I've done my Zen meditation.

Unfortunately, the issue doesn't only exist among people who are trying their best to communicate in a second language to dumb rich Americans (ha). Ever try to find a solution to a computer problem online? Google is my go-to for any question, from how to roast a turkey to "what's the name of the song that has 'toast' in its name?" I am currently experiencing a problem with installing Windows updates ~ I keep receiving error 0x8007025d ~ so naturally I looked to my old friend to help me out. I've had personal experience with IT people, and I do believe they are passive-aggressively subversive. Don't get me wrong; they are generally nice people (or are they?) But the ones online are no doubt laughing maniacally knowing someone is reading and trying to follow their "directions". I honestly believe they deliberately omit a step just to mess with people. This includes Microsoft folks, who created this Windows piece of crap.

Online News Sites That Expect Me To Pay To Read More Than Five Articles A Month

On my morning break while slurping my Greek yogurt, I like to peruse the news. "You've read your maximum five stories this month. Please log in or subscribe to continue reading." Does anyone do this? The only stories I can't actually Google are those exclusive to a particular site, and guess what? If I want to read them badly enough (shhh!) I can pull up a different browser or swipe them on my phone, or touch the link that some kind soul provided on Twitter. I once emailed my local newspaper to protest and the response was, "Most people don't even reach their five article limit in a month." Seriously? I read five stories on any given site in one sitting. I'm sorry that newspapers are dying, but honestly, who wants to read day-old news? Don't charge me to make up for your financial losses.

Repetitive-To-The-Point-Of-Nausea TV Commercials

I like kids. I feel for kids experiencing life circumstances. What I don't like is a charity that obviously spends the majority of its donations on marketing. I'm not giving you my money because you're not a trustworthy executor. And I don't need "skits". You know who you are. Your commercials run every six minutes or so on my favorite news channel. Honestly, I much prefer seeing the Pillow Guy.

I probably could go on and on but I won't, because the new year is supposed to be a happy time!

But (ahhh!) I do feel better.

Here's wishing you a non-annoying, trouble-free 2020.

The next decade will be verrry interesting.

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