Part 1 ~ The Country Codger Samples Today's Hits

 

If you know me, you know that I am completely unfamiliar with today's country music. I have one music website that I scour every week or so for intriguing articles, but I honestly don't know anyone being written about. Thus I don't know if the columns are spot-on or sour grapes. I do know that some of the gushing albums reviews leave me flummoxed.

So, as one swallows nauseating medicine that is nevertheless necessary, I felt it was my duty to sample a bit of today's country music, if for no other reason than to affirm or nullify my preconceived judgments.

Naturally, not having a clue as to what exactly is popular, I searched out the recent country charts and found a top forty list. Starting with number one, I set out to find YouTube videos of the songs.

Here, forthwith, are my unvarnished critiques of the top singles, as I hear them for the first time:

1. One Margarita - Luke Bryan



A mediocre singer with a generic voice. The melody is really difficult to latch onto, perhaps because of the erratic beat. I actually find this song very annoying, but I guess I could see kids dancing to it. (1 out of 10 stars)

2. Hard To Forget - Sam Hunt



What's with the beats on these songs? It started out well with a sample of Webb Pierce's "There Stands The Glass", but degenerated rapidly. Does this Sam Hunt perform onstage with only a drum machine? (2 out of 10 stars, only because it actually has a chorus of sorts, unlike the first song.)

3. Bluebird - Miranda Lambert



She does this thing that all current female artists do -- utters lyrics in short bursts, ostensibly because she can't hold a note for longer than one second. This is an utterly forgettable track. I would never buy it, because listening more than once would make my temples throb. (2 out of 10 stars)

4.  Be A Light - Thomas Rhett and Friends



I guess this is one of those pandering, anthemic "woke" songs. I hate those. The singer is very nasally; the only good singer I know who can pull off "nasal" is Dwight. Lots of la-la-la's in this song. Not hearing the "friends", but I'm sure they're there, low in the mix. I wouldn't care if I never heard this track again. (2 out of 10 stars)

 

5. Die From A Broken Heart - Maddie and Tae



Reminiscent of older tracks by female groups, this duo can sing, although the video only features one of them singing (I'm guessing Maddie because she has first billing). It's good as a soap opera vignette, but doesn't exactly evoke any emotions in me. (5 out of 10 stars, due to actual singing ability)

 

6. I Love My Country - Florida Georgia Line

 

I don't know what to make of this track. It's probably the countriest of the so-called country songs. That doesn't mean it's good. I have a feeling the duo was trying to emulate "Chattahoochee", only with a far inferior product. I've read very negative reviews of this group, but considering the competition (and that's a low bar), they're not the devil's handiwork. (5 out of 10 stars)

 

7. Done - Chris Janson



On the plus side, this track is structured like an actual song. I don't, however, understand the tendency of all these artists to affect an exaggerated southern accent. This song is what we used to refer to as pop, as in "Yacht Rock Radio", only not memorable in any way. (4 out of 10 stars)

 

8. Nobody But You - Blake Shelton with Gwen Stefani



 I don't know what this is. Blake can sing, but this? It's noisy and irritating. (2 out of 10 stars)

 

9. Got What I Got - Jason Aldean



Not a good singer, but he does have a presence. The song would benefit from a decent beat. As for the track itself, sorry; boring (2 out of 10 stars)

 

10. Stick That In Your Country Song - Eric Church



To be honest, I'm exhausted by this point, but I wanted to get through ten tracks. This actually hit the top ten? This might be the worst of all I've heard, and it's hardly country. (.01 of 10 stars)


By accident, I caught part of a video by someone named Luke Combs, and it actually sounded country. This guy could have a future.



Painful as this experiment was, I'm glad I suffered through it. Now I know. My guess is that in ten years or so, somebody will lead the exodus out of pukedom and return country to actual music. Maybe it'll be this Luke Combs guy.

Now when I read Saving Country, I'll be in the know.

But honestly, this was excruciatingly painful.

Gosh ~ Country Is Not Doing Well

In a new article in something called Country Aircheck, radio programmers are bemoaning the decline of country music in the Arbitron ratings. It seems that all the artists sound the same and the songs are too "poppy".

I'm flabbergasted.

My question is, who exactly is listening to "country" radio? Who are these freaks? Certainly not music fans. Do these listeners even know what country music sounds like? Do people even like music anymore?

When I gave up on country radio sometime around the year 2000, it was because I'd become disgusted with the amalgamation of country and thin, watery gruel. About the time that Faith Hill and/or her producer decided to countrify a Janis Joplin song, I threw up my hands and stopped. Stopped listening to radio completely. My last sad memories of country radio are some shredded electric guitar by Keith Urban and the last gasp of the Dixie Chicks.

Since then I have no idea who or what is popular in music, country or otherwise. My one country website, which is sadly bro-centric, tries to steer me toward nice new country, but everything I sample is a disappointment. I've almost given up trying. I would kill for a new shiny artist who was country and good. I don't think it's gonna happen. Because no one knows what country is. Granted, I've been around longer than most, but there is such a thing as recorded music. Anyone can listen, anytime.

I'm on the cusp of starting my own music podcast, just because people are idiots. Probably not the best tagline.

I would do mine differently, though. I don't exactly care about artists' backstories. I care about the music.

It's the least I can do.

Before it's too late.

Out Of Touch

The only site I know of that talks about country music is called Saving Country Music. I enjoy it, but I often find myself befuddled, because I am obviously, sadly, out of the current country music loop.

Don't get me wrong ~ the site hardly promotes the latest faux-country acts. But it talks about artists that are ostensibly country that I have never in my life heard of. I've been gone too long.

I've lately made an effort to educate myself about new music. I'm listening to sampling Saving Country Music's Spotify playlist each week. Out of twenty-five songs, I'm lucky to find one I really like, two that don't completely suck and I skim about the first two lines of the rest.

I think I've identified what's wrong with most of the new music a roots site like Saving Country Music promotes ~ it's too introspective. Strummy acoustic guitars lead off too many of the songs. I feel like I'm about to suffer through a Joan Baez ballad. I liked country music (at least the late eighties/early nineties country) because it was ballsy. George Strait singles don't flutter in like a weepy butterfly. They hit you with twangy Telecaster, crying steel and a crunch of fiddle. They make you feel good. Even after all these years:

Could you imagine something like this being played on the radio today?

I think well-intentioned sites that do want to save country music are searching in vain for the sound, but the sound just isn't being made anymore; so they go with the best of the rest. It's an unfair comparison, really. 

Too, I am out of touch. Roots fans rave about certain acts, and when I queue them up on YouTube, I think, this is good? I've seen better bar bands.

I will keep trying, though. Who knows? There might be someone good out there I've yet to hear. 

And then suddenly I'll get on board.